What is Toxic Masculinity and Why Does it Matter?

With the recent groundbreaking Netflix mini-series Adolescence taking the world by storm, I have been thinking a lot in recent weeks about the issues raised in the three-part drama. To those of you who haven’t seen it, the story focuses on Jamie, a 13-year-old boy accused of killing a female classmate after she rejects him. As we learn more about Jamie, we are pulled into a world of social media bullying, incel culture and toxic masculinity.

The term "toxic masculinity" was first coined by poet and author Shepherd Bliss to describe his authoritarian, military father. It was associated with the mythopoetic men's movement in the 80s and 90s before being picked up by the feminist movement in more recent years to describe certain harmful male attitudes and behaviours.

What does toxic masculinity mean?

The term “toxic masculinity” has become a catch-all phrase in recent years to describe any “bad” or “undesirable” behaviour by men. This can range from a man sitting with his legs too far apart on public transport to overt misogyny, rape and violence.

Toxic masculinity is defined by the Oxford Languages online dictionary as:

“a set of attitudes and ways of behaving stereotypically associated with or expected of men, regarded as having a negative impact on men and on society as a whole.”

Such attitudes and behaviours include misogyny, discrimination, homophobia, aggression, domination, control, emotional suppression, and entitlement.

As I, like many of you, watched Adolescence in horror, I found myself becoming curious about the issues raised such as incel culture and the manosphere. And I found myself asking the question;

What is going on with men and boys?

As a domestic abuse survivor, I pride myself on being a voice for women, a feminist and a fully signed-up member of the sisterhood. I honestly spare little thought for men, particularly men displaying attitudes and behaviour consistent with toxic masculinity. I am the first person to roll my eyes at an inappropriate comment, to shake my head at the blatant double standards in our society, or to feel my irritation rising with the incessant “mansplaining” we, as women, are subjected to

While I am in no way condoning or excusing the attitudes and behaviours associated with toxic masculinity, I do feel that maybe now is the time to put our emotions to one side. To ask questions. To learn. To try to understand. Only then, by accepting and addressing the problem, can we bring about change.

So, what causes toxic masculinity?

The roots of toxic masculinity are multi-faceted and complex and there are far better articles than this one to explore the history and causes of toxic masculinity in depth. One thing is for sure, no male (or female) is born toxic. So what is happening to boys to create this damaging and dangerous mindset and its resulting behaviours?

Socialisation and peer pressure

Despite changes in traditional gender roles, society still puts pressure on men to adopt “masculine” characteristics such as being strong and stoical and reject “feminine” characteristics such as caring, nurturing and expressing emotion. This expectation usually starts in childhood, often with a hypermasculine father or role model, and is reinforced as the child gets older. From media portrayals of the ideal man as dominant, aggressive, and unemotional, to peer pressure from other men to conform to toxic behaviour or risk being bullied or ostracised.

Changing gender roles

With increased social, economic and political freedom amongst women, men’s traditional role as protectors and providers is becoming obsolete, making many men question their place (or whether they even have a place) in women’s lives and society as a whole.

A man’s world

In a world built by men, for men, many men grow up with a sense of entitlement and innate power, a need to be right and to be in control that doesn’t exist for most women. Men are also taught by society that to express vulnerability and emotion, to apologise and take responsibility are weak and “feminine.” They are discouraged from talking about their feelings and may even be shamed for doing so.

As a result, when their perceived power is challenged, particularly by someone they see as weak and inferior (such as a woman), they are more likely to externalise those feelings of shame and guilt by blaming others or showing aggression. For example, the incel movement, highlighted in Adolescence, is in short, a group of men that cannot find women who want to have sex with them. Rather than look inwardly at why this may be the case (poor social skills, bad personal hygiene, lack of confidence etc), and trying to improve themselves, they externalise these feelings and blame women.

Why toxic masculinity matters

Far from being a “man’s problem,” toxic masculinity has serious consequences for people of all genders and society as a whole.

How does toxic masculinity affect men?

Toxic masculinity affects men in a variety of ways including:

·        Increased risk of mental health issues: Not seeking help or expressing emotions can lead to isolation and loneliness and increase the risk of mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and even suicide.

·        Increased risk of physical health issues: men may be more reluctant to seek help for their physical health, seeing it as a sign of “weakness” which can increase their risk of illness and disease.

·        Difficulty forming healthy relationships: Toxic masculinity can make it difficult to form healthy relationships due to an inability to express emotion and vulnerability, a lack of empathy and a need for dominance and control.

·        Increased risky behaviours such as having unprotected sex, substance abuse or dangerous activities like driving recklessly, or getting into fights.

How does toxic masculinity affect women?

The effects of toxic masculinity on women include:

·        Reinforcement of gender inequality: Toxic masculinity perpetuates and reinforces the belief that men are inherently superior to women leading to discrimination, objectification, oppression, and violence.

·        Emotional distress: women may try to conform to the expectations put on them by toxic masculinity in society by suppressing their own feelings and needs, leading to low self-worth and emotional distress.

·        Increased violence against women including domestic violence, harassment, rape and sexual assault.

·        Rape culture: the normalisation of male domination and aggression as well as victim-blaming means sexual violence is often downplayed, excused or ignored.

How does toxic masculinity affect society?

On a wider scale, toxic masculinity has serious negative consequences for society including:

·        Increase in violence including male-on-male violence, violence against women and violence against themselves (suicide).

·        Homophobia and transphobia: toxic masculinity encompasses rigid ideas about what it means to be “a man” leading to discrimination, intolerance and abuse against the LGBTQ+ community.

How do we stop toxic masculinity?

As with any societal or cultural shift, the first step towards change is recognising and addressing the problem. With awareness, comes education, knowledge, understanding and eventually change.

We need to redefine masculinity as something to be celebrated. To move towards healthy or positive masculinity, that allows men to feel powerful and focus on their strengths without the need to dominate or control others. To treat others with respect, to be empathic and kind, and to express emotion without fear of being criticised or feeling emasculated.

We need to educate boys about boundaries and consent, teach conflict resolution, encourage the healthy expression of emotion and move away from the idea that men are naturally violent, dominant and aggressive.

As a society, I believe that we are currently failing men and boys and that we ignore this at our peril. Now is the time to have an adult conversation, to seek answers and to implement change that benefits us all.